Rowr! – Katzenworld
28
May
Casey says, “I don’t need to be black to be a scary cat!”
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No Easy Task… – Katzenworld
21
May
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Becoming Buddies – Katzenworld
14
May
Becoming Buddies
Cookie, Albert, and I are fast becoming good buddies. They are thriving! They are so happy to see me every day. I left the barn door open today. They played on the path, but never strayed far from the door. The romped and pounced and got underfoot. Loving it!
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Catnip Wars – Day 22 The Shady Business of the Cats – Katzenworld
16
Apr
Day 22 The Shady Business of the Cats
I made it through this morning’s trial and am relieved to say I am still a free woman! It was close, though. As the prosecution pointed out, I was aware of the illegal nature of Tiggy’s “business” right from the beginning. And at no point did I report any of it to the authorities. Fortunately my defense attorney was able to subpoena Goldie and Ruby (two of the hens), who were witnesses to the threatening conversation Tiggy had with me about protecting his interests. Once the jury heard that I was in fear of Tiggy’s retribution they unanimously baaaed “not-guilty”.
Casey’s attorney invoked the jury’s sympathy by expounding on the hold Casey’s catnip addiction had over her behavior. Yes, she did assist Tiggy in distributing his catnip, but it was only to secure more catnip to feed her own addiction. After deliberating for a while the ewes and rams of the jury came back with a recommendation leniency. So, she will be going to rehab for a while.
Tiggy’s case was a bit tougher. Clearly he was guilty, and he showed little remorse. I was called in as a character witness. I did my best to portray him as a good boy, but was pretty well ripped apart on the cross-examination. However, Tiggy’s attorney rose beautifully to re-direct. I passionately reminded them just how bad the rat situation was before Tiggy came to us. And I proposed a deal. How about if Tiggy agreed to limit his catnip production to his own personal use, with no more selling or distribution. The jury was out for a long time on this one. But I think the memory of how bad the rats used to be must have won out in the end. Tiggy did not get off scott-free. Mandatory attendance to a twelve-step program and community service for the next 18 months. He’s already grumbling about the community service. Training strays become “employable” as house cats is a waste of his valuable time, he says. But, when I remind him it beats spending the next year and a half in a cat crate he seems to be resigned to it.
So, for now the nightmare seems to be over. However, I’m not sure the sheep realize that catnip is a perennial that grows back form the roots. Eating the plants did not kill the roots. I’m just hoping that this experience has put enough of a scare into Tiggy and Casey to prevent them from starting their business up again. Hopefully they have been scaredy cat straight!
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Catnip Wars – Day 21 Attack of the Sheep – Katzenworld
10
Apr
Catnip Wars – Day 21 Attack of the Sheep
What the heck is all the ruckus outside the barn? It’s a raid! The sheep have had enough and they turned vigilante! They were everywhere! Confiscating (eating) the evidence (the catnip plants). Tiggy, Casey, and I were all placed under citizen’s arrest and put in a holding pen. Tiggy is charged with possession and distribution of a controlled substance. Casey is charged with possession. And I am charged with being an accessory.
I tried arguing that I had nothing to do with any of it. They said I could tell it to the judge in the morning. In the morning?! Then I pointed out that I could not feed them if I was locked in a pen all night. They decided to release me on my own recognisance. Tiggy and Casey got remand. They were so traumatised by the destruction of the catnip plants, they didn’t even seem to care. They just huddled together on a bunk singing “Gloom, despair, and agony.”
I’m nervous about tomorrow…
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Catnip Wars – Day 20 The Mystery of the Money and Letter from the Cats – Katzenworld
02
Apr
Day 20 The Mystery of the Money and Letter from the Cats
When Karen S Roberts was picking up Levi this afternoon, I noticed something strange. Karen left the car running, as she was just going to grab him and rush to an appointment.
While she was in the house I noticed Casey was messing around under the car. Casey is usually very smart about keeping a healthy distance from running vehicles. I was about to head over to get her when she came slinking out carrying what appeared to be an envelope.
She sneaked into the barn with it and disappeared. A little while later I heard Casey and Tiggy talking in low voices near the catnip patch. I sent one of the hens in to reconnoiter. She snapped a quick photo with my phone and came back to show me this:
“Meow Cousin Tiggy,
As we are sure you know, we have not figured out the password to Karen’s tablet, yet. We are still working on it. In the meantime will continue with notes under the car for communication.
We have been discussing your offer. We do not think 10% is a fair cut for joining your business. After all, once our catnip begins to grow, we will be doing all the work; tending the crop, harvesting, distributing to the cats on our road, etc.. We believe we should get 75%.
Until our crop is ready, please continue to keep us supplied. Say “hi” to cousin Casey and cousin Stripey Girl.
Puurrr,
Mr.Magoo
Thomas
Haley
Rose”
All four of my sister’s cats. And they sent cash. Where they got it, I can’t imagine. Sissy is not one to leave cash laying around. I hope they have not been stealing Levi’s lunch money! It was written by Mr. Magoo. I recognized his handwriting because he was born left-pawed, but in school was forced to write with his right paw. But they all signed it. The mayhem is spreading to Slate Hill Road!
Yesterday Karen got locked out of her house because her front door lock “broke”. She had to lift Levi in through a window to unlock the back door. Today this note arrives, attached to the bottom of her car. I can’t help but wonder if the broken lock was a distraction, planned by her cats. Keep your eyes open, Sissy!
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Catnip Wars – Day 19 What is Keen up to? – Katzenworld
26
Mar
Day 19 What is Keen up to?
Keen, how come you never ‘nip out with us? Are you a narc, Keen? You’d better not be a narc!
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Catnip Wars – Day 18 The Nights at the Barn – Katzenworld
19
Mar
Day 18 The Nights at the Barn
Our next-door neighbour has been trying to sell her house. It has been on the market for a while now. Haven’t thought too much about it, but I have recently heard something disturbing through the grapevine. People don’t want to move to a “bad neighbourhood”.
All the clandestine ‘nip deals and cat fights at night make potential buyers uncomfortable. The late night yowling and hissing used to bother me, too. I felt compelled to intervene.
But after awhile you become hardened to it. I’m sad to admit that I barely notice the cat fights any more. Or the chalk outlines on the grass the next morning.
Now I am being awakened to how the neighbourhood must seem to potential homeowners. Especially those with young kittens.
They certainly wouldn’t want their kittens to be exposed to drug dealers and thugs. Time to “clean up” the neighbourhood!
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Catnip Wars – Day 17 The Yowling Festival – Katzenworld
12
Mar
Day 17
Wow, what a time I had with Casey this morning! When I got to the barn she was struggling to drag a full duffle bag up the path.
-“Whacha doin’, Casey?”
-“I’ve gotta get this up to the road so I can hitch a ride.”
-“Oh no you don’t! You know better than to go by the road! And don’t you ever let me catch you any where near the the road!”
-“I’m not going IN the road. Just by the side so I can hitch a ride.”
-“Hitch a ride to where?”
-“There’s this awesome yowling festival happening up north somewhere. I forget the town, but it has some biblical-sounding name.”
-“You think you’re going to hitchhike to a place you don’t even know the name of for a yowling festival?”
-“It’s gonna be epic! Everyone’s going! All the best yowlzicians are performing. Lenny Catvitz, Bobcat Dylan, The Abyssinian Brothers, Manx….”
-“I don’t care who is going to be there, YOU will not be there!”
-“I am an adult cat, Keen. You cannot tell me what to do!”
-“Oh, but I AM telling you. You are not going anywhere. Now let’s see what’s in the duffle bag.”
-“Stay out of my bag! It’s none of your business what I’m taking to the festival.”
-“Well, look at this! Catnip! Baggies and baggies full of catnip.”
-“Hey! QUIT dumping it all over the ground! The wind is blowing it away! You’re wasting it! TIGGY! Come see what Keen is doing!”
-“Tiggy is zoned out in the haymow. I am guessing you were planning on selling these at the yowling festival. Now, the catnip is not going and neither are you!”
-“But it will be the concert of the century! All the cats are talking about it. Everyone is going. I could have made thousands…”
-“I don’t care what everyone else’s cats are doing. You are NOT going to that thinly disguised ‘nip fest. I am going to put you in the house now. And if you try to sneak out I will lock you in your traveling crate! Is that clear?”
I carried her, hissing and scratching, up to the house. Gave mom and dad instructions to not open the door for her under any circumstances. Rt. 20 is full of VW buses and junker cars with peace signs painted on them, all heading the same direction. I have no doubt any one of them would be happy to stop and let one more cat squeeze in for a ride. Where are all these cats’ owners? Do they even know where there pets are headed? Not my cat!
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Catnip Wars – Day 16 The Rats – Katzenworld
05
Mar
Day 16
“TIGGY! A rat just ran over my foot!”
“Don’t be such a drag, Keen.”
“I’m not being a drag. I am expecting you to do your job!”
“Sorry, Keen, but don’t expect me to be the oppressor any more.”
“The oppressor? To rats?”
“Rats have a right to a peaceful existence, too, Keen.”
“Oh, they can have a peaceful existence. As long as they do it somewhere else and NOT in the barn!”
“That’s speciesist!”
“There are acres and acres on this farm where they can live. Just keep them out of the barn!”
“I’m a lover, not a fighter, Keen.”
“Bullshit! You are just too busy being on a catnip high to be bothered with anything else.”
“Keen, you need to chill out and relax. Have some ‘nip?”
“NO!”
“Alright then. Keep stressing over minor details. Peace out.”
“~Sigh~ Guess I’ll go chase the rats myself….”
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